Sunday, October 31, 2010
trick or treat
Had a wonderful day with the kids. a witch and a mermaid walked for over 2 hours and have enough candy to last a lifetime. sorry about not posting much Ive been way busy............
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
PASSING GAS
Today has been an unusually wonderful day. I have come to the realization that growing up is not an option. Grown ups are no fun, Karen and I are officially over and its because I refuse to grow up. Well it just so happens that no matter what, farts are funny! Its just the way it goes. Now I may go over board with my gas and my precious little girls may never find boyfriends because they also love this favorite past time but, I dont care. I think of different ways to fart like bubba thought of ways to cook shrimp.
Right now I am sitting on the couch with the worst poop pains ever just because my farts wont smell if I poop and I want my farts to smell because I like to laugh and that is that.
cheers.....
Right now I am sitting on the couch with the worst poop pains ever just because my farts wont smell if I poop and I want my farts to smell because I like to laugh and that is that.
cheers.....
Monday, October 25, 2010
poor decisions
one of my favorite sermons from pastor john long from first christian church in villa grove was about making good decisions and how even 1 poor decision can affect you for the rest of your life. my dad and i revisit that sermon quite offten. he often mentions said sermon when i tell him of things i have done or am planning on doing. where was dad today?
i purchased a 1977 jeep d5 otherwise known as a mail delivery vehicle. the plan is to restore an use it as a delivery vehicle for http://www.castawaycatering.com/ . the only problem with this obviously well thought out plan is that i cant even change the oil in a car let alone restore the vehicle back to its prime. did i mention the 1983 jeep d5 otherwise known as a mail delivery vehicle that also came with the other one to use as a parts car? bit off a lil more than i can chew i do believe but, what fun is life without some challenges...
i purchased a 1977 jeep d5 otherwise known as a mail delivery vehicle. the plan is to restore an use it as a delivery vehicle for http://www.castawaycatering.com/ . the only problem with this obviously well thought out plan is that i cant even change the oil in a car let alone restore the vehicle back to its prime. did i mention the 1983 jeep d5 otherwise known as a mail delivery vehicle that also came with the other one to use as a parts car? bit off a lil more than i can chew i do believe but, what fun is life without some challenges...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Top 10 funny ( weird and haha ) things I have ever seen.
These are a list of some outstanding things I have seen. I am writing this because I had a top ten moment last night.
10. Citgo poopie
9. Sip explain to my Mom that he infact would NOT like it if she called his Mom and explained to HER that we had sat in the garage a gotten drunk all afternoon. And may or may not have thrown up in the kitchen sink.
8. James Hatchel RUN home every time he heard my Dads deisel pulling into the circle because he was scared of my Dad.
7.Mark Schweighart cry and almost throw up when I punched him in the weiner.
6. " Dude " Jason Morgan do the chicken walk
5. An 80+ year old woman "Frannie Kerr" asked me if I wanted to see her mouse tattoo and she lifted her dress - panties and said oh my pussy must have ate it.
4. Anything that has anything to do with me because I love me
3. Vagina
2.The look on Tom Cheatums face at Joeys graduation party everytime he saw me crack a beer.
1." Chuck" Stephanie Gilmore order a side of gravy and then eat the entire bowl with a spoon.
10. Citgo poopie
9. Sip explain to my Mom that he infact would NOT like it if she called his Mom and explained to HER that we had sat in the garage a gotten drunk all afternoon. And may or may not have thrown up in the kitchen sink.
8. James Hatchel RUN home every time he heard my Dads deisel pulling into the circle because he was scared of my Dad.
7.Mark Schweighart cry and almost throw up when I punched him in the weiner.
6. " Dude " Jason Morgan do the chicken walk
5. An 80+ year old woman "Frannie Kerr" asked me if I wanted to see her mouse tattoo and she lifted her dress - panties and said oh my pussy must have ate it.
4. Anything that has anything to do with me because I love me
3. Vagina
2.The look on Tom Cheatums face at Joeys graduation party everytime he saw me crack a beer.
1." Chuck" Stephanie Gilmore order a side of gravy and then eat the entire bowl with a spoon.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Boston
I have said for a long time that when the girls graduate I would move to Boston and live on a house boat. Well there mothercalled me and asked if she could move the kids to Boston.
So I am torn... there is nothing more I enjoy doing than crushing the dreams of that horiable mountain of a semi human cold blooded beast but, It is Boston and I fell in love with that place when I was there even if it was a short while.
Pro- the girls get to go to an area with a great educational system and get out of floridas over grown illegal imigrant driven skeul sistim.
Con- hairy beast gets what she wants.
Pro- I get to move to the place of my dreams and keep the same schedule with the girls.
Con- Shedevil has some sort of enjoyment.
Pro- The kids get to live in one of the most beautiful ares of the U.S. with water still very close and a change of seasons.
Con- Craterface gets her way...
Pro- Celtics
Con- Apple sauce tits will have her hillbilly fam around.
Pro- bagpipes
Con- 4 kids 3 dads on welfare livin on the obama plan and she is white believe it or not. has a touch of happiness.
Pro- I am infactuated with our history and there are so many things so close I could see something different with the kiddos every week.
Con- winter
Pro-winter
Con- I would have to buy a decent vehicle instead of the hoopties i drive now.
Pro- ruined uterus might die on the icey roads.
So let me know what you think I should do. all sugestions are welcome
So I am torn... there is nothing more I enjoy doing than crushing the dreams of that horiable mountain of a semi human cold blooded beast but, It is Boston and I fell in love with that place when I was there even if it was a short while.
Pro- the girls get to go to an area with a great educational system and get out of floridas over grown illegal imigrant driven skeul sistim.
Con- hairy beast gets what she wants.
Pro- I get to move to the place of my dreams and keep the same schedule with the girls.
Con- Shedevil has some sort of enjoyment.
Pro- The kids get to live in one of the most beautiful ares of the U.S. with water still very close and a change of seasons.
Con- Craterface gets her way...
Pro- Celtics
Con- Apple sauce tits will have her hillbilly fam around.
Pro- bagpipes
Con- 4 kids 3 dads on welfare livin on the obama plan and she is white believe it or not. has a touch of happiness.
Pro- I am infactuated with our history and there are so many things so close I could see something different with the kiddos every week.
Con- winter
Pro-winter
Con- I would have to buy a decent vehicle instead of the hoopties i drive now.
Pro- ruined uterus might die on the icey roads.
So let me know what you think I should do. all sugestions are welcome
Thursday, October 21, 2010
polygamy
After watching all episodes of sister wives on the dvr I have decided that I am going to be a polygamist. My plan is to make Stephanie the first wife, she is very organized and capable of running a household and probably a great recruiter. None of the other wives will ever disobey her authority so I can just run everything through her. She will look like the bad guy and I will agree with all the other wives when they complain about her and I will look like the good guy. When things dont go my way with one of the other wives I will act like Im upset with them and be extra nice to steph and then they will talk to steph about it and steph will lead them in the right direction ie. handys-anal or how to make my cocktails just the right way.
I have never been good at relationships so if they only have to be with me 1 or 2 days a week they will be excited about the time they have with me instead of angry that im getting on there nerves.
Steph will get sundays since we both enjoy football and chili. the other three will each have 2 nights a week.
wives 2-3 and 4 will all work full time to support steph and I. Steph and I both like nice things so we will be getting hard working wives like hooters girls and that is a cash income, so very few taxes.
One of the big parts of a polygamist lifestyle is having lots of babies. The women in this culture feel it is there dutie to provide there man with lots of children. I on the other hand am very happy with the 2 that I have so I will not be telling them of my vasectomy and stephs obg dr friend will tell them that they are the reason that we can not have children so they will feel indebted to me forever and greatful that I dont leave them.
I think this is the perfect evil plan for me to be able to not work and be able to technically not be cheating on my wives and if I tire of the same ol same ol I will have steph suggest that I start courting another wife for the good of the family.
I have never been good at relationships so if they only have to be with me 1 or 2 days a week they will be excited about the time they have with me instead of angry that im getting on there nerves.
Steph will get sundays since we both enjoy football and chili. the other three will each have 2 nights a week.
wives 2-3 and 4 will all work full time to support steph and I. Steph and I both like nice things so we will be getting hard working wives like hooters girls and that is a cash income, so very few taxes.
One of the big parts of a polygamist lifestyle is having lots of babies. The women in this culture feel it is there dutie to provide there man with lots of children. I on the other hand am very happy with the 2 that I have so I will not be telling them of my vasectomy and stephs obg dr friend will tell them that they are the reason that we can not have children so they will feel indebted to me forever and greatful that I dont leave them.
I think this is the perfect evil plan for me to be able to not work and be able to technically not be cheating on my wives and if I tire of the same ol same ol I will have steph suggest that I start courting another wife for the good of the family.
Monday, October 18, 2010
welcome
Well boys and girls welcome to the mind of augie... after much persuading stephanie agreed to set me up a blog. I was not able to do it on my own due to my 43rd chromesome. this will be a multi dailly post of the screwed up thoughts and actions of my day. Nothing is off limits, If you show up as a follower I may or may not go to the memory bank and tell a story. Jon Fisher was my first follower so he won the never have a bad thing said about him lotto. Although there really is nothing bad to be said about him, great person,businessman,father, and friend. ( lazy lover so I have heard ).follow him at. http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.showpigs.com%2F&h=f0d4c
Imagine if donald duck produced faces of death and the jackass franchise, thats kind of what goes through my head all day every day. its kind of mental vomit. i have no filters and nothing can get to me. i am not affraid to say what is on my mind or give an opinion. what makes it even better is that when i screw up i will tell the same screwed up stories or bust my own balls just as i would everyone else.
Please let me know what you would like to talk about or whom you would like to talk about. anything goes no censorship.
see you later and lets have some fun with this..........
Augie
Imagine if donald duck produced faces of death and the jackass franchise, thats kind of what goes through my head all day every day. its kind of mental vomit. i have no filters and nothing can get to me. i am not affraid to say what is on my mind or give an opinion. what makes it even better is that when i screw up i will tell the same screwed up stories or bust my own balls just as i would everyone else.
Please let me know what you would like to talk about or whom you would like to talk about. anything goes no censorship.
see you later and lets have some fun with this..........
Augie
Dream come true!!
It's been a dream of mine to "date" a midget and I was recently fortunate enough to be a contestent on the "Sassie Cassie dating game" on the Bubba the love Sponge radio show http://www.btls.com/. Unfortunately, I did not win the date with Sassie, but, I was able to hold all 2 ft 10 in of her in my arms. This WAS the happiest day of my life!!! You may think this is a strange fantasy but oddly enough most of my male friends have this same fantasy but I am the only one stupid enough to try and fullfill it!
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